Walking amongst the Dead

Yeah, there’s been more Walking Dead than American Horror Story lately.  The light of my life has laid hands upon Skyrim, and I’m holding off on watching new episodes without him.

Daryl’s my favourite character[1], although I think that’d change if we saw more of Glenn.  Stupid situation or not, something to be said for a guy who manages to lasso a zombie while being in serious danger of being dropped on it.  And is not charging merrily forward on the “OMG sex” bandwagon (pet peeve; have had too many people drop the “if a guy does not immediately jump at offers of (straight) sex, there is something wrong with him” line lately).  And sticks his neck out for utter strangers on a pay-it-forward theory.  And (practical or not) cares about how the formerly living dead are treated…

…okay, now?  Now I’m annoyed we haven’t seen more of Glenn.  Daryl’s cool, and Rick’s decent, but Glenn’s kind, and while I can understand that not being hugely valuable I think it’s important.  (How much has he been around this season?)  It’s not like it’s a case of people just needing to do anything they have to to get over the next hill; there doesn’t seem to be any greater social structure or network left.  If people who are scrabbling for their lives aren’t kind, it’s not as if people who aren’t scared and in danger will pick up the slack.  If people who are scrabbling for their lives aren’t kind, then no-one is kind, and that is a sad sad world.

I confess, in a fit of being horribly unjaded and sympathetic towards people who have had their lives fall apart, I like most of the characters.  Actually all of the group from last season except Carl and T-Dog and Sophie, who really seem the least fleshed-out; they’re watercolour sketches.  (Also I’m disappointed we haven’t seen more of the Greenes yet.)  I’d probably be a lot less sympathetic if I had to deal with the characters (see: Shane), but I like watching them.  It’s easier to put up with and watch their human failings from the safety of my living room.

Andrea makes me the most uneasy–I can see how she’s gone from having something to prove to having explicitly failed to prove it and, having been guilted out of a clean and relatively painless suicide, has sort of given up on these silly things like “group bonding” and “relying on others”.  She’ll still learn from them, which is practical, and I think she might still feel mild affection towards some of them, but in a really fundamental sense she seems to have checked out, and it makes me sad.[2]  And I get being upset–furious–at being guilted out of a clean and painless and easily-managed death.

At the same time… well.  A solid chunk of her is looking to kill herself.  I’m trying to figure out where to stand between the “ohgod I’ve been there, no-one can blame you for wanting this but that doesn’t mean a sane you would want it, please please don’t” and the “you know, even us stressed and crazy people can actually manage to make real and valid decisions about what we want to do with our lives”, and…

Been on both sides of that.  Like I said… uneasy.


[1] “Copperhead Road” ninja.
[2] Actually, looking back on last season, it also annoys me that the characters who chose to kill themselves were two women and one of those edumacated guys.

Madness and the pet monster.

“I really need your help. I don’t want to be like this. I want to be a good person.”

Right, well, Tate has just gained a ridiculous amount of sympathy from me.  I have been there.  I mean, I haven’t nearly chewed anyone’s face off to make a point or defend my crush, but I have been there.  (Yes, more American Horror Story, although no spoilers this time.)

Knowing that there’s something wrong, but that even then the mind you use to understand that truth is off.  And knowing isn’t enough to fix it, thinking about it isn’t enough to fix it, wanting it isn’t enough, trying isn’t enough…

It’s hell, and there is no-one I’d wish that on. Continue reading “Madness and the pet monster.”

Alright, I thought vacation was *over*…

It still feels like Friday.  And it’s past 2 a.m. on Saturday morning.

Am home, and since getting home… well, there’s been a lot of late nights and a lot of sleeping in.  Until noon, today, in fact.

I don’t like this.  I really don’t like the feeling of so much time lost, slipping away.  And I’m a bit worried because of how upset I actually was.  I’m not sure if it was just the sleeping in and feeling disoriented when I woke up, or being late to take my meds, or what.  I mean, I settled down fine for breakfast, but I was really unhappy before then.

I don’t imagine staying up until 2-a.m.-plus today will help either, though.

In other news… well, not much.  I’m going to be keeping an eye on my mood, and going back to the job hunt.  I made it out to stitch-n-bitch last night, and felt a bit more awkward than usual, but it wore off.  And I’m going to set my alarm for tomorrow.

Just about finished catching up on Breaking Bad; the closing music is playing for the end of season four.  Brilliant show.  Have started watching American Horror Story as well, and am–

Oh.

Oh holy crap.

Okay.  Well.  Just saw the end-end of the last episode of season four.  Walter, you son of a bitch.  That’s brilliant.  That fits.  It’s horrible.

I highly recommend that show, FTR.  Check it out, if you haven’t seen it.

Very relaxed.

My tolerance, FTR, is terrible. Had a couple of glasses of wine with dinner and am two-thirds of the way through a beer, all over the last for hours. I’m feeling comfortable.

Over at Jack and Rachel’s. We’ve met a lot of lizards and three cats. Were over at John’s aunts for dinner. It was mostly very nice, although after…

There was some stuff about how if twenty percent of the population has a “mental disease” then obviously it’s time to get the psychiatrists to adjust their definitions. And a description of a comedy about four people living in a house, two guys and two girls, each with a different mental illness, that sounded really funny. Until she heard the second ad for it and realized it was a documentary trying to demystify mental illness, and… well, that just didn’t sound as interesting.

I completely defend someone’s right to not watch something they’re not interested in. At the same time, it’d be nice to not feel like I was being lumped into the category of one of those people. Those funny, self-indulgent punchlines. You know the ones.

Pretty sure none of them know I’m on medication. I need to be on medication.

I generally try not to hide that I suffer from depression. Mind, I couldn’t quite manage to find a way to point out that I’m one of that twenty percent (whose claim of being ill is obviously suspect, but I’m not bitter).

I suppose that isn’t very interesting to hear about either.